MOVIE LIST!

I love my alarm clock, by the way.

MOVIES I SAW DURING THE FUCKING BORING SUMMER:
RESEVOIR DOGS
THE BUCKET LIST

Summer plans

SUMMER PLANS:

JUNE 23rd: LAPTOP SHOPPING @ BEST BUY & CUTTING HAIR @ HAIR TECH 2000
JUNE 24th: OPTOMETRIST APPOINTMENT (hopefully)
JUNE 25th: TOKYO LOBBY @ 530 with the extended gang
JUNE 27th-28th: ORIENTATION @ UCSD
JUNE 29th: SANTA MONICA BEACH?
JUNE 30th: LEAVE FOR TAIWAN IN THE AFTERNOON (more details later)
JULY 3-5th: TEEN CAMP SA!
JULY 10-12th: KIDS CAMP SA! (hopefully)
JULY 15th or 20th: LEAVE FOR LA

Blurring

The thing about summer is that, the days start to blend together. So today, Christian called me, and naturally, since I am more of a family oriented person, I was out eating lunch with my family, and I told him about this Tokyo Lobby thing that I planned just spur of the moment with Joanna. And he’s all like “Wednesday, the 25th?” and being the stupid person I am, I think, the 25th? No….and then it hits me, that it’s the 25th! Hahaha. For me, everyday is a saturday or a sunday. The dates don’t really matter. Of course, when he made me aware of the 25th, after I happily explained to him about the whole dinner shenanigan, I felt kind of sad! I didn’t forget, like I knew about the 25th, but I didn’t really register in my mind that Wednesday was the 25th.

Oh well, whatever.

Another thing that has been bothering me lately is the situation. The situation in which everyone is hanging out with me more than someone should be hanging out with me. And it bothers me! So come Monday is the big talk. We’ll see how things go from there.

My little brother

His name is Alvin and I could tell him anything.

By that, I mean, anything.

It’s interesting

Lately, I have been very very tired, even though I get more sleep than everyone else. Sometimes, I sleep 10, 11 hours, and i’m sleepier than someone who slept at around 5 am in the morning. I don’t understand why I am so short of temper lately. No, it is not my hormones, or PMS-ing, as many people might make assumptions concerning that. I think the reason why I’m so tired is that when I sleep these days, I have so many dreams. Like, really vivid ones. They are dreams that make me toss and turn in my sleep and make me unable to just rest myself. It’s like I’m still awake, and usually when I wake up, it seems that I had just put my head down to sleep. There is something wrong with me. I think it’s because I’m stressing over my Calculus grade, and because I’m checking out. I also have so much to do…

Sometimes, I just want to forget everything. I just want to escape, yet I can’t. Sometimes, I just want to go to sleep for forever. It seems now, that whenever I have a problem, I avoid it by sleeping. I have this whole damn house to myself, and people think I’m so lucky. But really, hardly anyone comes over. So all I do is shower, and then sleep. My naps usually just turn into sleeps.

I wish you had more freedom. I know its really selfish of me. I think, in a sense (although it may not seem like it) I am very self-sacrificing as well. (reasons I cannot explain on this blog).

Dammit. Summer come already. I planned what I’m going to do already.

Cooking

I love cooking. My parents have entrusted me with making dinner again, and I took out the lean ground beef and made some yummy hamburgers. I don’t like how I shaped the patty. They’re thick but they’re the size of my brother’s palm. Yeah, not so big. Anyway, cooking totally relaxes me. I really love cooking and I am always on the hunt for new recipes. Fuck, I just HATE washing the dishes. I spend more than half the time washing dishes than actually cooking.  I don’t know how to use my dishwasher.

Anyway, I really want more contact. I always feel it dying.

I wish my parents came home already so we could eat. It’s really sad being home alone all the time. It’s like, ultimately, I cooked for no one. I am tempted to eat my share of the hamburger because I am SO HUNGRY!

Whatever, they’ll be home soon.

On a side note, Alvin tutored me today in CALCULUS. I have hope! I will raise my grade to a C and go to UCSD! Yay! That is all. Yummy hamburger

My Summer

June 27-28 Orientation at SD

July 03-05 Life Academy Teens Camp @ Taiwan

July 10-12 Life Academy Kids Camp @ Taiwan

September 02-04 Life Academy Power of Change Class @ New York

FREE AUGUST! Yeah right… Working for my parents again. Sigh.

No!

Looking through Nicole Hall’s Flickr pictures, I have realized that I do NOT want to go to college. I am NOT ready to start a new chapter in my life, as it is so often referred to. I am SCARED SHITLESS at the thought of going to college. Please, spare me, I don’t want to go to college. I am not ready to see billions of faces I have never seen in the world. I am not ready for orientation. I can’t do it. I really can’t. When I think about it, I have to pee my pants. Okay, its not that extreme, but I am scared. I don’t want to grow up, to worry about money, to work, to file a 1040 IRS tax form. I don’t want to turn 18. I don’t want to move out of the house. I don’t want to meet new people at orientation, I’m scared of orientation. I’m scared of seeing all the girls there, the boys there, the people there, the whole atmosphere of what we call college. I am scared. And there is nothing I can do to stop the inevitable. Orientation is June 27-28, a two day one night thing, and I am not looking forward to it at all. Not at all. Right now, I am signing up for orientation, and I am scared. I don’t want to sign up for orientation. I have to take the stupid math test and everything….AUGH. I don’t know. I’m scared and confused and THAT is NOT a good feeling

YEAH!

I’M GOING TO NEW YORK!

Fucking Finally!

I finally found the pair of shoes I wanted at Vans. Originally, I was shooting for a retro light blue pair of Vans Classics, but I settled for a turquoise green pair. Its the color of my cardigan. I am absolutely in love with it. So what if it’s 40 dollars? Okay, I admit, I feel really guilty, because I already have a pair of navy blue keds….they look the same. Oh well. I already bought it, so I can’t say anything now. Anyway, so Joanna and I went to the mall at around 4:30. We walked around, ate some Great Khans, drank Juice it Up!, ate Ce Fiore, anyway, by 7:00, we walked around the mall 3 times and were bored to tears. I didn’t find my yellow bag, sadly. I don’t think I ever will. Anyway, we then drove around, and didn’t know where to go so Joanna went down her phone list and called everyone, but everyone was either sleeping or ice skating. How LAME! We parked on Loma and Broadway and we called Paula and we asked her where we should go and she said, “Go to the park and take a walk.” I don’t know why, but Joanna and I think this is incredibly hilarious. We then decide to go to K-Mart, but in front of K-Mart, Joanna is all like, do you really want to go to K-Mart? And I’m like, uh, NO. HAHAHA. And we ended up leaving, and heading towards Alhambra, with Joanna trying to piss everyone behind her off by driving at like 30 miles per hour and me laughing my head off. When we got there, we didn’t know what to do, so we drove into Super A foods while we were calling Sara. She was sleeping, go figure.

Cut to the chase, FRIDAY NIGHT WAS SO FUCKING BORING! THIS IS FRIDAY NIGHT. Damn. To make things worse, my Saturday hasn’t been too stellar either, except for the fact that my cousin took me out to Dim Sum and bought me this cute strawberry necklace. And also I went to my piano college talk luncheon thing at Hop Woo, where I was too stuffed to eat anything else. I gave a pretty good college talk, and took many pictures with my dear piano teacher of 11 years. After that, I got into this argument with my parents because I was depressed over something and my parents wouldn’t stop bothering me about CALCULUS. Fuck me. I haven’t fought with them in a long time, so I feel really bad.

I’m not depressed over that thing anymore, someone really cares about me. It just makes me want to keep it going when I’m off in college.